Depression and a beautiful world
So, anyone who's a long time reader (anyone, anyone) of my blog will not be unaware that I have problems with depression. In fact, it's probably fair to say that I've been anywhere between a bit and a lot depressed ever since I began posting all the way back in 2009. If I wasn't quite depressed in the beginning, it was because I had other MH problems (psychosis) at that time which I'll maybe go into at another time.
Anyway, I've been feeling a bit rotten for a while, but I've recently had two weeks holiday from work, time to think, eat and generally spoil myself. My mood is a little bit better. I'm not placing any bets that this will last, and I'll be ok either way, but something weird that I've noticed since I feel better is how much more beautiful the world looks. Yesterday I went to the shop over the road from me in the evening. I've probably been in that shop a hundred times in the evening, and usually all I see is ugly labels and strip lighting, tills and fridges and plastic wrapped sandwiches. Not very inspiring. But yesterday, waiting in the ever present long queue, I found my eyes resting on the window, and I saw a massive tree over the road against the bright blue sky. I've waited in that queue so many times and I've never ever noticed that beautiful tree before.
Made me wonder whether maybe, when you're depressed, you look at ugly things, and in turn whether that makes you feel more depressed. I'll let you know if I come up with any answers.
Anyway, I've been feeling a bit rotten for a while, but I've recently had two weeks holiday from work, time to think, eat and generally spoil myself. My mood is a little bit better. I'm not placing any bets that this will last, and I'll be ok either way, but something weird that I've noticed since I feel better is how much more beautiful the world looks. Yesterday I went to the shop over the road from me in the evening. I've probably been in that shop a hundred times in the evening, and usually all I see is ugly labels and strip lighting, tills and fridges and plastic wrapped sandwiches. Not very inspiring. But yesterday, waiting in the ever present long queue, I found my eyes resting on the window, and I saw a massive tree over the road against the bright blue sky. I've waited in that queue so many times and I've never ever noticed that beautiful tree before.
Made me wonder whether maybe, when you're depressed, you look at ugly things, and in turn whether that makes you feel more depressed. I'll let you know if I come up with any answers.
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